Return of the Looly

On a clear and sunny Tuesday afternoon, a figure stepped off the plane that had just arrived from Australia. Although nobody would yet recognise him, this elusive bugger whose miserly ways are unprecedented anywhere in this galaxy had returned. Known to his contacts as Looly, Kelvin or Kun Lin, the greatest miser who ever lived had returned, all after a dull week spent at Australia, a place otherwise known as the birthplace of Steve Irwin, the Croc Guy.

Reminiscing on the past few days, Looly snickered, unable to hide the apparent joy now bursting from within his red existence. It was all barely a week ago when his plane had unfortunately run out of fuel just as it was flying over the Australian Ocean. However, Looly being the sneaky little cheapskate he was, had already stole a parachute from the store, claiming it as his souvenier. This was added to the impressive bag of treasures that he had already stockpiled, which included a bag of peanuts and a SIA colouring book which an errant air stewardess had plopped onto Looly’s lap, as she thought that he was a kid due to his dimunitive appearance. Nevertheless, the Looly would take anything he came upon, all in the name of profits.
Giggling with joy, unaware of the danger that was apporaching, Looly fiddled with his parachute. Just then, the plane took a sharp nosedive, and Looly was forced to abandon ship in his spiffy new parachute. Hopping off the crashing jet, Looly plummeted down thousands of feet, before he turned redder than ever because of the change in pressure, which made the blood rush to his face. Just a few seconds after that, Looly crashed into the island of Melbourne.

Regaining consciousness, Looly now knew that he was trapped in an island of no return, and his only options were to either escape as soon as possible or risk being eaten by crocodiles or even stung by stingrays. But, Looly soon found out that Lady Luck was favouring him, as his wanderings brought him in front of a stadium which was hosting the next Aussie Martial Arts Tournament, all sponsered by Airpork. A plan hatched in Looly’s mind, and our eager protagonist soon realised that he had to emerge victorious in this tournament in order to return to the sunny isle of Singapore. Whipping out his taekwondo belt and blowing the dust off his garb, he got into a nearby phone booth and with a flash of light, Looly the Tomato Warrior appeared.

As Looly surveyed his competitors, he smiled confidently. After all, this was the under-five category, and the cunning Looly had managed to register, his pathetic height providing the key to the lock. He saw the toddlers crawling around, each sucking on a pacifier, and assured himself that this would be an easy one. Soon, the tournament was underway.

In the first match, Looly came up against a fearsome newborn baby, complete with the powers of shrill crying and possessing a bite that rivals that of a world-class dog. However, Looly was sufficiently prepared. Pulling his tennis racket and his tattered BM2K pencilcase from his satchel, he opened the fight with a Twist Serve right at the baby’s chest. The pencilcase-which-only-misers-would-use spun and hit the arena floor, before spiralling into the baby’s chest. Finishing with a smack to the stomach, the baby stood no chance against the palpable Looly, and thus he advanced to the finals.

The same luck was not about to follow. In his finals match, Looly came up against the typical Australian sufer, complete with a surfboard as well as a healthy tan. Looly knew that his Twist Serve would be ineffective here, since everybody knows that the Twist Serve is lousy. Anyway, Looly changed his style and rushed at the white kid, ready to land his trademark Miser Smack. Just then, the white kid’s pocket gave way, and tons of coins dropped out onto the cold clay floor. Screeching to a halt, Looly started picking up the coins. Just then, the judge who was coincidentally also white, saw Looly’s white undies sticking out from his pants as he was bending down to fish up the coins, and assumed that Looly had given up, leading to a loss for Looly.

Looly brushed off the defeat as ill fortune, after all, second place in a competition for five years and below was an honourable feat nonetheless. And, boarding to Singapore, he was filled with confidence and elation at finally being reunited with his dear savings account book at home.

Looly’s money had not been missing for one week. All was well.


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