The Void

Slowly, it pulls you in.

Over the years, things change. An example? Jay Chou. Look back. In the early 2000s, he was producing hit songs, which actually sounded good, by the bucketful. Fast forward to 2007, and you all you get from the balladmeister is just some crappy compilation of rubbish that no one gives a damn about. To be blatantly honest, Wo Bu Pei is decent. It just doesn’t match up to his previous efforts like Dong Feng Po, which has really impressive manipulation of “China wind”. In a nutshell, his compositions are just too shallow now. Tell me, what in the blue hell is Niu Zai Hen Mang supposed to be? A joke? Perhaps so.

Change. You don’t really take notice, though. Heck, nobody does. Not until it’s too late, anyway. Not with the vicious cannonade of tests, examinations, and height-weight tests to weed out the truly obese kids from those of robust build.

People claim the BMI to be an effective way of determining the presence of excess fats, but that is untrue. It’s just a farce which undergoes a potency increment of a hundredfold every time the PE teacher spouts, “BMI over 25 go TAF club!” Actually, the TAF club is a very selective, and supremely picky fat-eating voidwalker. The snide smart-asses at the Ministry of Health really succeeded this time round. Trim and fit? Ever notice that, if you reversed the reading order of the term “TAF”, you’d get an abbreviation for the phrase “fat and tubby”? A slice of life right in your face, and no chance of cake with that.

Society makes no room for the overweight. You see a fat man, and instantly develop condescending tendencies towards him. This is, to a certain extent, politically correct. Exceptions have to be made, however, in the case of people you have actually been around for a while. Samuel, by some miracle of God above, managed to extricate himself from the jowls of the TAF club. Others, however, were not so lucky. And out of the few people in my class who landed themselves in the damned blasphemy of a lardish nightmare, I can exuberantly claim that I am only able to extend my pity to only one. Come on, it’s simple. I just grilled two of them TAF club faithfuls in one of the previous posts.

This will go on. It’s just time for a short interval.

Dear Gahmen,

We am sorry that our complacency has allowed Mas Selamat to escape.

By thinking “that the Government will take care of all security matters”, we the citizens of this country have allowed ourselves to become complacent, and thusly, contributed to his escape.

Sure the minders of Mas Selamat were to be blamed too, as MM Lee said, because they were “complacent in handling a wily detainee” and were “negligent”. But it was really our belief that the Gahmen will take care of all security matters, that led to his escape, more than anything else.

We should have been guarding him ourselves, instead of relying just on the ISD or the Ghurkas or any Gahmen forces. Instead, we went about our lives, thinking, “Hey, guarding that guy is not my job what! Why should I care? Gahmen sure can one!”

We abdicated this responsibility to security agencies. That was our tragic mistake.

If the Gahmen is to be blamed, it is only that you, oh Gahmen, have been so “overly successful” that we, the people, have become too comfortable. We ended up with a “dependency mentality” that makes us “blame the civil service and Government” if any of our needs are not met.

Believing the Government had everything under control was complacent of us.

Believing nothing could go wrong was also complacent of us.

And wanting accountability and transparency when things did go wrong, that was most complacent and unreasonable of all.

We are so sorry we let your efficiency and successful running of our country lull us into a false sense of security. We now know that when things go right, it is because the Gahmen is good. And when things go wrong, it is our complacency and our fault.

We endeavour to be less complacent in future so that another detainee won’t escape. Let us know if you want any of us to guard any new terror detainees you may have.

Let’s start with the Boy Scouts and other uniformed groups and work our way through the list of citizens that need to volunteer.

We want to be on our toes all the time, and not trust the Gahmen so much anymore.

Yours sincerely,
The (ex) Complacent Citizens of Singapore.

Just an excerpt from, poking fun at the government yet again.

I was just watching the makeover show on Channel 8, and I found it to be absolutely ridiculous. It’s like, you take these below-average females and try to pass them off in a slightly more presentable form.  Let’s get to the statistics, which equates to my rating of the three contestants on today’s show. This is before they were “magically transformed”.

Contestant 1: Fat cheeks, bears striking resemblance to sausages. Should be in the aforementioned TAF club. 26/100

Contestant 2 : Looked alright, but not quite there yet. Best out of the three. 44/100

Contestant 3 : Resembled a man. Dark skin, with broad shoulders. Supposedly a sporty person, but our trained eyes caught traces of fat residing in her thighs. 31/100

They went through some beautifying session which we didn’t get to see. I was reading my new acquired novel, The Street Lawyer by John Grisham at this point of time.

Alright, so they dolled up the contestants, and pulled apart the curtains.

Contestant 1 : Was outfitted with fake eyelashes, and looked positively horrendous. I almost spat out my apple chunks when I was cursed with the sight of her visage.  Possibly worse-looking than before. Bulbous cheeks still present.17/100

Contestant 2 : Hey, not bad! Without a doubt the most attractive out of the three. It’s like the other two served to amplify the effect her looks had. Looked like a half-baked copy of Ai Otsuka. 59/100

Contestant 3 : Putting her in a dress only placed her manly shoulders in full view of the critic. In this case, me. No thanks. 41/100

Hey, what the…? Contestant 3 won? A goddamned shenannigan, that’s what this show is.

Okay, today’s post will end here. I’ve got things to do, you’ve got things to do. It’s that simple.


*We apologise for incorrect spelling of an intended Bluetooth pun in the AVT on Tuesday. It should have been Pak Chiu Cheng, as opposed to Pah Chiu Cheng.*




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