Forbidden Kingdom, Retold

A thousand and four hundred words, are you ready?

Ice Cream Mania

Once upon a time, there were two men. One was named Ben and the other, Jerry.

Ben: “Hey Jerry, let’s open this ice cream parlour!”

Jerry: “Hooray!”

Ben: “Yeah, and we’ll have this annual free ice cream day where miserly Singaporeans queue up for our overly commercialised yet still chewy and flavourful ice cream.”

The queue was nuts.

Chotto kiken sugiru kara

Daydreamer

Amazing, it’s probably her best song to date.

I saw this ad for Ben and Jerry’s ice cream in the paper today; it appears they’re giving out free cones tomorrow. If the queue isn’t that long, I’ll probably get one tomorrow. This is like stereotypical Singaporean behaviour; hand out freebies and a queue instantly forms. They want publicity, and I want a free ice cream. It works, somehow.

Speaking of free stuff, when will Starbucks have their complimentary coffee offer again? Free coffee is always good, especially on hot days such as today.

Today, Haonan stank. It got worse during PE, which was utter hell. It’s like asking you to stick your nose into a rubbish chute.

Anyway, English chess > PCC

Flamed by a Twit

Hixx fwenz, euu s00x kawaiix neh!

Neh your ass, twit language is so utterly putrid that someone should organise this twit genocide in Singapore, right away.

He who PCCs is a Master

Alright, I’m back from obscurity. Somehow, the fact that this “obscurity” in particular only lasted for a duration of one day really diminishes the dramatic effect I wish to create. No matter, time for a quick plough-through. Be warned, this post will incorporate harsh criticisms, and thus I advise you not to proceed any further.

The Void

Slowly, it pulls you in.

It works this way

Actually, I desire for you to click the “read more” link. Go on.

Poot

Not that I ever liked black rap, but if someone could remix this song such that the whistles were replaced by instances of “poot”, we’d have a real winner on our hands. Chart topper, anyone?

To Cook a Roasted Bird

5 Quick Tips to a Successful Proposal

1. Always be prepared with a ring at all times. I’d recommend one from the likes of Cartier, for maximum effect. However, if you’re ever short on your budget, a makeshift version from the capsule machine will do perfectly fine. It’s the thought that counts, or is it? 
2. Flowers are superficial, superfluous, and supreme money-eaters. Instead of a bouquet of blasphemy, why not look for better alternatives? Lingerie, apartments and cute little electronics are a few examples. By electronics, I mean those that play music and stream videos of an erotic nature, not those that vibrate uncontrollably when connected to dry cells.
3. Make a good impression. The folks will always choose the best for their precocious treasures. Even if the musings of an intellectual mean greek to you, there are still ways to pull off a look that forces the folks to assume that candidate #108 had just received his PhD barely a few moments ago. A simple way to get started would be to acquire a pair of half-rimmed spectacles. Next, pay a visit to your local Japan-themed shop and purchase a Cloud cosplay kit. With the Buster Sword in hand, you’ll surely slice away at the competition, and still cut a tomato.
4. Never utter any taboos. Simple harmless phrases like “diu lei lo mo” could provoke heated reactions from the folks. Also, be aware that your sense of humour is vastly different from that of another person. We strongly urge all readers not to mention the term “buttocks”, if possible. You can’t just burst into song in the middle of a family dinner, going “Cos everytime I fart, my butt will vibrate..”. It just doesn’t work.
5. Never, ever have a penknife in your hand. It gets worse if you somehow have latent Shinigami powers. Hell, if it can scare away two robbers with nose-hairs of steel, it’s practically a given that the folks will be knocked out. 

I wanna have the same last dream again

The one where I wake up, and I’m alive

Just as the four walls close me within

My eyes are opened up with pure sunlight 

Sakuranbo

Tonari dooshi anata to atashi sakuranbo

Aishiaru futari shiawase no sora
Tonari dooshi anata to atashi sakuranbo

Techou hiraku to mou ninentatsu naatte
Yappa jikkan suru ne nandaka teretari suru ne
Sou iya HIDOI KOTO mo sareta shi
HIDOI KOTO mo iutta shi
Nakami ga ippai tsumatta amai amai mono desu

Naki naki no ichinichi ya jitensha no tabi ya kaki arawaserenai
Datte ooinda mon!

Egaosaku kimi to tsunagattetai
Moshi ano mukou ni mieru mono ga aru nara
Aishiau futari shiawase no sora
Tonari dooshi anata to atashi sakuranbo

Morattara mono wa sou ai wo kanji
Ageta mono wa mochiron zenryoku no ai desu
Yappa ii mon dayo ne kyoudousagyou* batsu GAME
Omoi ga kenaku rekishi wa sara ni fukai keredo

Hitotsu demo kaketetara tondemonaku
Tarinai tarinai! tarinai!! futari no kizuna

Egao saku kimi to dakiattetai
Moshi tooi mirai wo yosou suru no nara
Aishiau futari itsu no toki mo
Tonari dooshi anata to atashi sakuranbo

Egaosaku kimi to tsunagattetai
Moshi ano mukou ni mieru mono ga aru nara
Aishiau futari shiawase no sora
Tonari dooshi anata to atashi sakuranbo

Egao saku kimi to dakiattetai
Moshi tooi mirai wo yosou suru no nara
Aishiau futari itsu no toki mo
Tonari dooshi anata to atashi sakuranbo

Aishiau futari itsu no toki mo
Aishiau futari itsu no toki mo
Tonari dooshi anata to atashi sakuranbo

This song is just so goddamned cute, it just breaks through saccharine and heads straight for overdosage of sugar.